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A pop-up book of flowers from grade 4 are driving her insane...

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Postby trentm32 » 1/18/2006, 12:43 pm

ss
Last edited by trentm32 on 2/15/2007, 9:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.

<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
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Postby robcore » 1/27/2006, 8:30 pm

Stay true to its original nature is all i can beg of you, because it was really an amazing read. The second half could possibly be modified, simply because the events seem to all become a jumble in my mind. The first half's events were all so distinct that they are easily remembered. Either way though it was brilliant, keep it up!
Don't ask questions, just accept it.
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Postby trentm32 » 1/31/2006, 3:11 pm

dd
Last edited by trentm32 on 2/15/2007, 9:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.

<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
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Postby trentm32 » 2/1/2006, 8:56 am

I'm working on submitting some sample chapters to some small publishing houses!
"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.

<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
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Postby Johnny » 2/1/2006, 11:19 am

Cool! Good luck with that!
Professional Canadian.
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Postby Random Name » 2/1/2006, 4:28 pm

Ahh! I just printed out the old version of the whole thing, and I'm rereading it. I really really really want to sit down and pick your brain. Every paragraph has something I want to talk about. And I've made little notes in the side like an english prof with like really good quotes and stuff I would change and whatever. I'm about half way though and I love it. When you were posting small segments reading it was fragmented and sort of drawn out. So now that its together I can make comments on the over all feeling and everything and yeah. Trent, your awesome.

And by rereading the whole thing, it means I'm not reading the update above right now. So knowing that I have more to catch up on is inspiring me to finish it all in like one day. Haha.
-Sarah

Goodbye you liar,
Well you sipped from the cup but you don't own up to anything
Then you think you will inspire
Take apart your head
(and I wish I could inspire)
Take apart your demons, then you add it to the list.

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Postby trentm32 » 2/1/2006, 7:56 pm

sweet!

I appreciate it SO insanely much! I'm changing some small details about a couple of little things to make it all flow better (I'm close to a third of the way finished on my rewrites), and I'm hoping to flesh it out about 20,000 words more-ish. Once I get a bit further on the rewrite, I'll post a solid chunk of it. I'm mostly chaning the beginning some to give it a better start off, and fleshing out a bit more on his latter travels with Josh, and the whole 'moving in with Julia' experience part of the story. I've learned a lot more as a writer since I finished it, and I want the story to be the best that it can be. :)

I'm so excited about it all, too. I'm freakin' LOVING doing the rewrites; going back and fleshing out things I wanted to do buy didn't really know how to then. *gets excited all over again*

and, I want to hear EVERY comment and thought you have!
"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.

<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
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Postby Random Name » 2/1/2006, 9:23 pm

Haha, I have an awful lot of them! Like I never noticed before (maybe you didn't either, thats the way writing goes) that there are motif's that follow all the way through. Like his religious discussions and heaven references. In constant contradiction but he never figures it out. And how the postcards to Cassie are very symbolic of where he is. From a train wreck to a sunset to the Mona Lisa and so on.

There are some things I'd want to talk to you about and why you wrote that and if you would want to change them since a reader could interpret them a certain way. Like when the boys are in New York staying with Josh's rich aunt. She is the sort of person that spoilers herself with everything since her husband isn't home. They have 2 large guest bedrooms, yet the second or third night they are there she cooks them a home-cooked southern meal. When I think about her character I'd think she's order some fancy dinner for delivery. So its fascinating that she would spend the time to cook for them when she seems more likely to spend the money.

And then there are the southern references. They way he mentions them thoughout the story. Like at first he's all "back at home it used to be like this" and then he gets to missing it. And later Alex says "Down south where I grew up" and you kind of have to think about it a bit because thats where he was like a month ago!

Oh, and when Josh and them are driving towards Maine and they are writing the song in the car there is a line somewhere that describes what the song is about after they wrote it. When they are writing it they talk about bringing their two different perspectives together and then when its finished Alex says that its about how the destractions during the important moments in life get the better of you. Then the next scene he's farther from home he's ever been, with three guys he's never met before, trying to ask out some girl in a diner and the only thing he can think about is that bracelet! :D Its brilliant.


Anyway... thats enough of my ramblings.
Honestly, reading this now makes me think that its better then some of the short stories and novels that I've read thoughout school and I'm doing an english major. Haha. I know a lot of people who would like to read it too. You know, you really do have a good shot at getting this published. Its not just some random piece of fiction that you wrote in a few days and never concicered again, its obviously had a lot of thought and effort put into it, and there are a lot of literary devices that pop up when you don't expect it. Obvious symbols arn't always that obvious and motifs spring up again and again when you are least expecting them. And yeah, the character arc becomes the readers journey.
-Sarah

Goodbye you liar,
Well you sipped from the cup but you don't own up to anything
Then you think you will inspire
Take apart your head
(and I wish I could inspire)
Take apart your demons, then you add it to the list.

Random Name
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Postby trentm32 » 2/2/2006, 9:14 am

Holy freakin CRAP you rule! I cannot express how much I APPRECIATE this! I am FOREVER indebted to you, really! Now, to hit the high points:

I'm tweaking the flow on his religious beliefs a bit. I feel Alex needs a bit more basis in faith (not at all anywhere near anything even close to near to being considered heavy-handed), because he did grow up in the South. I mean, I live here; it's the friggin' Bible belt! lol! And, I personally do believe in God, et al; and I want the religious perspective to better reflet my own in a loose, NOT heavy-handed way. I swear, I'm handling it well. If I'm not, kick me in the head! lol! His beliefs are pretty much the same, just a bit more grounded. I want to give him a dash more of a spiritual coming-of-age at the end (just a dash; very vague), as well as a maturity and emotional coming around. I swear, I can't wait to show yu the re-writes. If you'd like, once you finish up on that, I'd love to e-mail you what I've got so far. I'm gonna try to get a solid bit done this weekend, as well, as I'll have a little time on my hands.

Also, the postcard thing I actually did on purpose. I thought of it exactly how you got it (which excites me to no END!!!! *gets giddy*). Just the symbolism, etc. And, I expanded on that a tand in the rewrites, too. Heck yus!

The aunt in NY, I thought a lot about her. She comes back to play in the end, and I'm gonna touch her story a bit in the rewrites. I wanted to show her as someone kinda uncorrupted by the money and excess, ya know. She still has a heart, and is (basically) not a bit-ka. I'm gonna flesh her out a tad, though. So w00t.

How his references to home eventually go from hatred to nostalgia was also slipped in there on purpose. I'n the rewrites I'm fixin' them up a little, and accenting the subtlety a bit. It's all lookin' good.

The bit about the song, then the necklace and girl was a complete dumb luck move on my part. THANK YOU for showin' me that one. I didn't even notice it at first bit. I was trying to hit that all thematically throughout the story, but I didn't swing the parallel in my eyes. Thanks caboodles for showing me that one!

I swear, I'm so excited about the rewrites! The story is finally becoming what I envisioned when I first began it, you know? Like I can finally, FINALLY do it justice. I can't wait to show you the rewrites! (If you'd do me the honor of looking at them!)

...peace and love...
"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.

<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
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Postby Random Name » 2/2/2006, 1:07 pm

Definately send me what you have, I'd love to keep reading it.

sarah.stack@gmail.com or get me on MSN.
-Sarah

Goodbye you liar,
Well you sipped from the cup but you don't own up to anything
Then you think you will inspire
Take apart your head
(and I wish I could inspire)
Take apart your demons, then you add it to the list.

Random Name
Oskar Winner: 2007
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Location: New Finland

Postby trentm32 » 2/2/2006, 1:13 pm

it's on it's way!
"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.

<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
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Postby trentm32 » 2/2/2006, 1:21 pm

done!
"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.

<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
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trentm32
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Postby Random Name » 2/2/2006, 7:44 pm

Aww thanks kid! :sugar:
-Sarah

Goodbye you liar,
Well you sipped from the cup but you don't own up to anything
Then you think you will inspire
Take apart your head
(and I wish I could inspire)
Take apart your demons, then you add it to the list.

Random Name
Oskar Winner: 2007
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Posts: 10134
Joined: 8/16/2003, 2:57 pm
Location: New Finland

Postby trentm32 » 2/3/2006, 11:25 pm

I heard back from a publisher...

she complimented my style, and told me the story had a "gifted narrative," but wasn't sure about the story as a whole. I'm curretly working on some rewrites, and I hope to resubmit for another chance in the coming weeks.

I got a semi-compliment, so I'm taking it in stride. :)
"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.

<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
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trentm32
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Postby robcore » 2/4/2006, 11:11 pm

That's definitely just it. Your writing style is brilliant, the story itself needs something to make it...i dunno, if you're anything like me with music, you're looking for something epic. I think you're on your way though, judging from your excitement. I can't wait to say "i knew this guy when..."
Don't ask questions, just accept it.
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Postby Rusty » 2/4/2006, 11:14 pm

When you get published, I want an autographed copy. I'll pay you money.

Queens Of The Stone Age-Someone's In The Wolf

Once you're lost in twillights's blue
You don't find your way, the way finds you...

Tempt the fates, beware the smile
It hides all the teeth, my dear,
What's behind them...

So glad you could stay
Forever

He steps between the trees, a crooked man
There's blood on the blade
Don't take his hand

You warm by the firelight, in twilight's blue
Shadows creep & dance the walls
He's creeping too..

So glad you could stay
Forever


Image <----------------- click and listen!
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Postby trentm32 » 2/5/2006, 8:32 am

hekc yus, my friends! I'm stoked, I know it's hard to get published; but I figure if you work at it long enough, and thing doesn't suck; it's gotta happen sometime!
"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.

<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
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trentm32
Oskar Winner: 2005
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Location: my heart is in New York.

Postby trentm32 » 2/5/2006, 9:04 am

robcore wrote:That's definitely just it. Your writing style is brilliant, the story itself needs something to make it...i dunno, if you're anything like me with music, you're looking for something epic. I think you're on your way though, judging from your excitement. I can't wait to say "i knew this guy when..."


that post just made a lot of sense to me. That is exactly what I'm trying to nip away at with the rewrites. The purpose. Why this exact journey in this man's life at this exact time is so monumental. How this journey shapes him into where he is for the future, and who he is for the future. Not exacty epic in a grand sense, but epic to his heart. His soul. :love: Thanks Rob!
"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.

<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
User avatar
trentm32
Oskar Winner: 2005
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Location: my heart is in New York.

Postby Random Name » 2/9/2006, 6:21 pm

Bah! I have soo much to say and no time to say it because I'm swamped with work. :*)** On monday when everything is finished you're getting one massive email, my friend. :lol:

In the meantime, I drew/doodled this while procrastionating. (Based on the story if you don't understand why I'm posting this here. :P )

Image
-Sarah

Goodbye you liar,
Well you sipped from the cup but you don't own up to anything
Then you think you will inspire
Take apart your head
(and I wish I could inspire)
Take apart your demons, then you add it to the list.

Random Name
Oskar Winner: 2007
Oskar Winner: 2007
 
Posts: 10134
Joined: 8/16/2003, 2:57 pm
Location: New Finland

Postby trentm32 » 2/9/2006, 8:59 pm

*looks eagerly forward to hearing what you have to say, and disecting the tar of out every bit of it!*

I really can't wait to get the ending rewritten; I'm dying to bend your ear about how things turn out. It's pretty close-ish to the original ending, but it's just going to be fleshed out, and a little more explained; plus I'm gonna make it more of a growing experience for Alex; to give it more purpose in a way... :)
"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.

<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
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