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A pop-up book of flowers from grade 4 are driving her insane...

Postby trentm32 » 3/4/2006, 3:03 pm

Here is a new section from the new-uber editoin of the novel; just wanted to share...

Standing in the cold, wet dark on Amsterdam Avenue, upper-Manhattan, it all just seems to make sense. I have the Mexican/American pizza-bar behind me; the grand antique looking Hostelling-International building to my left. I hear music gliding toward my ears from a thousand different directions. Garbage pop from a passing car, blaring Latino rap from across the street and clichéd rock music from a hipster coffee shop down the way; and then it all just hits me. Wanting more in a whisper than you can find in a scream. A tear for an ocean, a touch for a beating. We’re just given so much, for so little.
Like a deafening silence of truth and heartbreak. My friends are still asleep, up in our room. All of us here, on a vacation from our lives. On a vacation from what has actually become our lives. All I am is just another blank face; jut another blank face in this nameless generation. A mile after the baby-boomers, and Gen-X doesn’t even care enough to name us. Without focus. Without genre. Without lead. The only common threads—MTV and bad music. No aspiration, no talent. No perseverance. Music has become pop princesses and street thugs living happily underneath the Sony tree.
Scripted reality has become entertainment. This entire city as home, watching the latest episode of Fear Factor. Everyone is so lazy that they will do anything, anything, to avoid having to do an honest day’s work. Throw their lives and dignity away on national television; actually aspiring to be water cooler gossip. Eat earthworms and walk tightropes just to be on TV. To have their name known. They want it so badly that they don’t even care what they’re known for.
“Any press is good press! Any press is good press!” Isn’t that how the old adage goes?
It seems I’m happier alone. Standing here, just me, on Amsterdam Avenue—and I finally feel alive. Pretty soon my feet begin to hurt, so I sit down on a bench, and just watch the people walk on by. A man in a suit; dark blue with old shoes. A pretty woman in a red dress walks by. Probably coming from some fancy dinner party. She begins to try and hail a cab, and almost immediately one appears as if from nowhere to pick her up.
“Battery Park, please.” She quickly says, as she shuffles in out of the cold darkness. The cabbie just nods and begins to drive on. He shoots me a disapproving glance as he pulls off. ‘Probably thinks I’m just another punk kid with no future’ I think. With nothing better to do than stand her on the freezing street and watch the cabs roll slowly by.
He’s probably right.
"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.

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Postby christa lynn » 3/4/2006, 5:04 pm

trentm32 wrote:This entire city as home, watching the latest episode of Fear Factor.

at home

If I were you I'd be careful about having too many references to specific present times things. If you have too many of them it will make your book seem dated in future. Things like MTV and reality tv shows in general will probably be understood, or at least information could be found on them. Something as specific as Fear Factor though will probably be forgotten a couple years after it goes off the air.

Also,


trentm32 wrote:It burns my feet, and I finally feel alive.

trentm32 wrote:Standing here, just me, on Amsterdam Avenue—and I finally feel alive.


I probably only noticed it because they're close together in the time that I read them, but I found it interesting. In the first, he feels alive while off in dreamland, in the second he feels alive where he is in reality. I'm not sure if this is a point you're trying to make about his growth or not.

And, I LOVED that update you posted on the 31st of Jan (I haven't read this thread in a while). The imagry, especially in the first and second paragraphs was awesome.

More please??? :love: :puppyeyes:
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Postby trentm32 » 3/4/2006, 8:56 pm

thanks! I'm getting closer to finished with the rewrites; I should (God willing) have the ENTIRE story close to finished up in the coming weeks. I've rewritten most everyhing up to 3/4-of the way in-ish; all I have left to comb through and is the ending (which I have some great ideas for!!) If you'd want to give the whole thing a read when it's done, and let me know what you think, I'd be grateful for the help!
"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.

<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
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Postby christa lynn » 3/6/2006, 4:38 pm

I'd be very happy to read through the entire thing. Send it to me whenever it's ready.
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Postby Random Name » 3/6/2006, 8:17 pm

I feel bad for not writing you back. :(
I'm a busy gal.

wait, I should just write you back now.
:eek:
-Sarah

Goodbye you liar,
Well you sipped from the cup but you don't own up to anything
Then you think you will inspire
Take apart your head
(and I wish I could inspire)
Take apart your demons, then you add it to the list.

Random Name
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Postby trentm32 » 3/6/2006, 10:44 pm

*eagerly awaits!*
"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.

<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
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trentm32
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Location: my heart is in New York.

Postby trentm32 » 3/22/2006, 2:26 pm

My hard drive crashed, and I lost quite a bit of my rewrites; maybe a little bit over a third or so if I had to estimate. It's sad, yes; but i shall press on to finish this thing... even if it kills me! I've recoved my entire copy of the first draft, and up to about page 70-ish of the rewritten version; so I'm a werkin on it! I'm trying to make the best of it; ya know-- to rewrite it to the best of my abilities. But... it does suck to lose all that work.

*sigh*
"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.

<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
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trentm32
Oskar Winner: 2005
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Location: my heart is in New York.

Postby Random Name » 3/22/2006, 2:30 pm

So I wrote you another massive email last week and it got deleted before I sent it.
F-ing computer.

Then I wrote you again and it got sent back.

So really, I'm not ignoring you! :P

If you sent me any of the re-writes that you lost than I can email them back to you if that helps. It really sucks that you lost all that. But rewriting over and over will help solidify your ideas, so its good that your being optimistic about it. :)

I'm going back to my email to write you again.
-Sarah

Goodbye you liar,
Well you sipped from the cup but you don't own up to anything
Then you think you will inspire
Take apart your head
(and I wish I could inspire)
Take apart your demons, then you add it to the list.

Random Name
Oskar Winner: 2007
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Posts: 10134
Joined: 8/16/2003, 2:57 pm
Location: New Finland

Postby trentm32 » 5/23/2006, 3:02 pm

It lives! I've been starting up on some re-rewrites over the last few days, finally getting over my initial anger of losing the first effort. I'm lacking on a good ending, so if anyone familiar has some ideas, feel free...
"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.

<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
User avatar
trentm32
Oskar Winner: 2005
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Location: my heart is in New York.

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