J-Neli wrote:Lando... what's your life story?
Well my real life story is about as plain as white bread with nothing on it... Leave it outside on the counter too long and it dries out, grows mold and smells funny.
So I'll tell you my version, which hopefully is much more interesting.
Back in 1903 I was working in a Diamond mine in North Carolina. I'm a born Canadian, but I needed the work and was outlawed to work in Canada for a decade.
While working in the mines I met a good friend. Gus O'Callahan. He saved my life once when a bunch of rabid skunks were going to devour my leg. I found out later, he just saved me so he could ask my daughter Agatha's hand in marriage... Well I solved that by cutting off her hand. I know, to you, this sounds insanely cruel, but back in 1903 it was a common thing to do. Accepted by society if you will.
So after about a decade of working the mines I moved back to Canada and took up a job opportunity. I decided I'd be the local Superman. So I put on the tights, climbed to the roof of a really tall building (thought: Why the hell didn't I take the freakin' stairs!?)
and waited for a crime to occur down below on the polluted streets. After about 79 and a half hours I saw an old women having her purse stolen. I decided to fly down and catch the criminal in the act. So I lept off the building head first, fists out, heading directly toward the thug. Unfortunately, super powers were a requirement for this job... Another thing I wasn't aware of. When I awoke, they were peeling me off the pavement. Lucky for me, I didn't break every bone in my body. My spine was still intact. Later that day I slipped into a 40 year coma, after awakening I had another 8 years of rehabilitation before I was able to walk again, so I decided it was time to start my life over. Now 97 years old. I wanted to start another family. I learned to read so I could read the classifieds for Mail order brides... My understanding was that the Mail or (post office) would order a bride for me. From where? I didn't care! So I went to the post office and asked them to order me a bride... They looked at me like I was crazy and I refused to leave until they ordered me a bride. I did show them the add in the paper after all. After about 30 minutes of ranting a bunch of men in White suits came and locked me up in a rubber room for another 18 years. It was the greatest time of my life!! Have you ever been in a room where the floor, roof and every wall was like one big trampoline!?!? I didn't think so!!! I got so much excercise that when I was released I entered the competition for Mr. Universe and won!!! I became very rich and decided to become a actor!! I started off in softcore porno, but soon worked my way up to the big times. Yes, that's right. Late night Infomercials! Ever since then I've been living off my riches and watching continuous episodes of DUCK TALES! WOO-OOO!
Now days I eat a healthy diet of 13 Arby's roast beef sandwiches a day and drink 47 gallons of unpasturized milk. At my age, it's the only thing keeping me alive!
Of course there's a lot to my life I skipped out. That was just the basics...
Hope that clears some things up for you!