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Asking for money instead of gifts for a wedding ...

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Asking for money instead of gifts for a wedding ...

Postby Kicker774 » 10/28/2010, 8:45 pm

So me and my fiance are looking to hitch up for good sometime in the near future. Nothing extravagant, just a justice 'o peace and close family/friends (Yes CM'ers invited).

Seeing as how we already have anything we need (Blenders, plates, silverware, glassware, one of those floaty ball thermometers, etc etc) we would like to help her family with airline tickets from Kazakhstan ($1300 - $1500 a pop) in lieu of gifts.

Aside from a tip jar passed around the dinner table come Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Boxing Day time, whats a polite way to say "The Bride and Groom are registered at Luftansa airlines"?
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Postby ClumsyGirl618 » 10/28/2010, 9:18 pm

Tell them you are registered at paypal.com. lol But seriously, people register for Disney honeymoons and such. My friends did something similar to what you'd like to do when they went on their honeymoon to Puerto Rico. It's been a few years since they got married so I can't remember how they did it but it seemed tactful to me. I can ask them.
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Postby faninor » 10/28/2010, 9:28 pm

One of my coworkers had an insert in his invitations that said they would prefer money in lieu of gifts to offset honeymoon costs. I know some people in the office who weren't close friends were a little put off. There's no good way to do it (even to say where you're traditionally registered) according to etiquette. We made a web page with info about our wedding, which linked to where we were registered. Our invitations mentioned the website but didn't mention anything about gifts or registries.
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Postby Carson79 » 10/28/2010, 11:17 pm

The good news is that you have already let the invited CMers in on it!

I don't think there is any good way to go about it other than word of mouth...but if all your guests don't know each other to share this wish then it doesn't work well.

I certainly understand why modern couples prefer money - so that's why I have no problem giving them money, and hopefully your guests will understand the same.
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Postby xjsb125 » 10/29/2010, 12:43 am

I spent all the honeymoon money we were going to give Josh and Kym on strippers for Josh (and me).
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Postby Dr. Hobo » 10/29/2010, 6:05 am

:lol: well done matt :nod:
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Postby faninor » 10/29/2010, 10:43 am

xjsb125 wrote:I spent all the honeymoon money we were going to give Josh and Kym on strippers for Josh (and me).

True story. :oops:
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Postby Kicker774 » 10/29/2010, 11:48 am

xjsb125 wrote:I spent all the honeymoon money we were going to give Josh and Kym on strippers for Josh (and me).


So probably no stripper money left for me then huh? :cry:


Googling I found a wishing well. You put a little wishing well model out at your wedding/wedding reception with a cute poem asking for money instead of gifts.

Maybe we'll make up something on the wedding invites.
Considering it will just be close Family/Friends/CM'ers it shouldn't come off as too disrespectful and they will all get the point.
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Postby Locobone » 10/29/2010, 4:47 pm

xjsb125 wrote:I spent all the honeymoon money we were going to give Josh and Kym on strippers for Josh (and me).


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Postby Kicker774 » 10/30/2010, 9:26 pm

So I wrote this little doozy up in the subway on the way to work today.

Lemme know what you think:

The couples home is filled with knicks and knacks,
Their child has clothes by the sacks.

They decided to get married on the coast,
But to see her family is what she wants most.

They don’t have many airline miles for the fare,
Do you have a couple you could spare?

Toasters, Blenders, and Dinnerware are all really great,
But it’s family that’s most important on this special date.
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Postby Carson79 » 10/30/2010, 10:51 pm

That actually sounds nice and kind of cute. Way better than "in lieu of gifts." At least it would feel like its going towards something nice and you're just not topping up your savings. I give money regardless of what is done with it, but this would make me feel all fuzzy inside.
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Postby saman » 10/31/2010, 10:10 am

i like it too, but it sounds like you're asking specifically for airmiles. i can see people going "but i have no airmiles to give, so what do i give them?" maybe add the word "dollars" in there somewhere so that people know money's also acceptable?
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Postby Tattooed Angels » 11/16/2010, 6:44 pm

xjsb125 wrote:I spent all the honeymoon money we were going to give Josh and Kym on strippers for Josh (and me).



:lol: :lol: ..Well now that your are a daddy and Josh is a married man I can see why you would do that..lol.

I never ever heard of a couple doing that before.. Then again now adays anything is possible. In lieu of gifts we are asking for cash or gift certicates to such and such airline. A few years back my friends gave me a $100 gift certificate from American Airlines( cause that is the airline I fly ) for my birthday..

As far as miles go you would have to look into mile transferring between people. Some airlines let you do it for small feee.

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Postby kyks17 » 12/8/2010, 8:17 pm

Here are the numerous issues:

1. As Josh said, etiquette dictates that you make no mention of gifts or registries or anything of that sort in any kind of physical item (such as save the dates, invitations, or even extra inserts in the invitations). That's why we did what Josh listed above - listed the website, which contained registry info among plenty of other info.

2. The reason you can't actually mention it anywhere (before the internet it was just by word of mouth, but websites are considered fair game when it comes to etiquette) is because gifts. are. not. required. of your guests. It is rare that someone will actually not give you a gift, but all the same it is not required and so mentioning it in your invitation or something is a put off. It's kind of like saying, don't bother coming if you're not giving me something.

3. Some people love to give money cuz it's such an easy gift. No shopping, just write a check and done. In fact the majority of our gifts was money, and we had a fully stocked registry. I noticed it was the people we were less close to, primarily, who gave us money - maybe cuz they thought it was the ideal gift for not knowing us that well, maybe they never went to the website and hence never saw the registry, who knows.

4. If you do one of those honeymoon-fund registry websites they have out there, they end up taking a big chunk of the money you get, in the 5-10% range. That's quite a chunk just to serve as essentially a bank.

5. Do not be that person who makes their own checkout on their wedding website to combat issue #4. My bridesmaid's friend got married a month before her and she quite literally had put a checkout on her wedding website (and yes they wrote the site themselves), where you could elect "1 night on the cruise" which was like $1000, or "dinner out in Italy" ($100), etc. They had cutesie names to make you feel like you were giving them that actual experience, but really you were just paying them. And that's what it felt like - PAYING your friend, not giving them a gift.

So really, I guess I don't have any suggestions on what you *should* do, but I do know what not to do! Which is really what weddings are all about haha.

I thought your poem was really cute. It didn't sound greedy or like you wanted your guests to pay you, which is the most important part. You could probably put it on your wedding website and include the link in your invite like we did? We just had one of those free ones from those wedding planning sites.

I guess probably the best would be if you tell your parents and ask them to spread the word. That should at least communicate it to your families, and if you're lucky, a friend will ask you about your registry and spread the news amongst friends too.
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