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Seinfeld on VTEC

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Seinfeld on VTEC

Postby Kicker774 » 11/13/2007, 8:48 pm

Megan wanted to see my writings from past so I figured I'd share with our own secluded little world as well.


Seinfeld on VTEC

What is the deal with all these car companies these days? Everybody's got "tech" somewhere in their commercials describing their engines. It's like they have to convince everyone that they still use technology in their engines. I don't know about the rest of you, but I never had any doubt in my mind about technology in automobile engines. Somewhere along the line, the engineers decided that the people were starting believe the voodoo theory on engine design and they needed to bring everyone back to reality. First came the Japanese with that VTEC thing, so not to be outdone, no sir, we throw ZTEC, INTECH, Texas Tech and Georgia Tech back at them. That'll show 'em. We'll show those people who's got more technology.

But what's the deal with that VTEC thing? They say it stands for Variable Valve Timing and Electronic Lift Control. Now you may ask, why do I need this in my next car. But let me tell you, it's the best thing I've seen since the invention of the super-size cup holder. You see they found a way to make the car behave completely different, depending on the speed you're going. You can have the econobox mileage and the race car performance in the same car. This boggles my mind. I made the guy at the dealership explain it to me, he started talking that camshaft, valve-timing, fuel-injected, double overhead ram air, blinker fluid b.s. that I think people just make up to confuse people further about things they have no business understanding in the first place.

When the guys start thinking that they understand things, it just makes it difficult on everybody. This is why they started making cars so complex and fixing them so expensive, so that maybe some of the stupid people will just leave it alone. Instead of costing themselves time, money, and pride. But basically it goes like this: the camshafts are modified to have extra lobes on them to push the valves differently. These extra valves are controlled by the magic voodoo box we laypersons call a computer. When the engine goes fast enough, the computer says "O.K. it's time to give those lobes a rest." and then the other lobes take over, giving the engine more power to go faster. When the other lobes take over, the engine behaves like the hot rods kids drive around. Chugging along with the big tires in the back so they can get better mileage by always driving downhill.

So this VTEC has the best of both worlds, the good mileage of an economy car, and the performance of a sports car. But when you think about it, aren't these two ends of the market both the tiny, cramped, sardine can cars? Aside from the engines and some flashy styling, the sports cars and econoboxes share many of the same negatives. So why would there even be a need for this convergence of the two? Instead of crossing a sports car and an econobox, why don't they build the perfect car- one that's the size of a Nash Metropolitan on the outside so you could always get a parking spot, and as big as a WInnebago on the inside. Now there is a car that I would buy.
"I wasn't sure if you were a crazy ax murdering pshyco or not when I first met you"
-- Megan

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Kicker774
 
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