Ah, The Darwin Awards

[Johnny]

Kills Bugs Dead
2004 Honorable Mention WINNER
Confirmed True by Darwin


(29 April 2004, Brushy Fork, West Virginia) Alfred, 63, had trouble with termites at home. He had heard that natural gas was dangerous, and figured it would be a good, low-cost way to fumigate his house. So he shut the doors and windows, turned on the gas, and spent the night in a nearby camper trailer with his wife. The next morning he stepped out of the trailer, took a breath of the crisp, cool air, and strode over to his house.

When he opened the door, the slight spark from the latch ignited the cloud of natural gas that had accumulated in his home. The force of the explosion blew him off the porch and into a nearby creek, knocked out the town's telephones and electricity, and blew the doors off a church. It rattled windows and nerves six miles away.

Alfred was evacuated by helicopter with severe burns to the burn unit at the Cabell-Huntington Hospital. His house was uninsured. It is presumed that the fumigation was effective.

[nikki4982]

What an idiot.

[Johnny]

The Unkindest Cut
2001 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin

"Improper use of pruning shears can dull the blades."

30 May 2001, Hillsboro, Oregon) Ismael, 25, was driving a Toyota truck when he lost control of the vehicle, which careened into a mailbox, collided with a utility pole, and flipped onto its side, knocking down high-voltage power lines in the process. At that point, Ishmael climbed from the truck and into the path of evolution.

He surveyed the situation with a pair of pruning shears in his hand. Police speculate that he reached up to clip the snaking, arcing cable lying across his truck, and was electrocuted when the shears touched the 7500-volt cable. A medical examination found that the current travelled across his heart and out his left foot. He was found lying motionless, face-down on the power line, with a pair of pruning shears in his hands.

His dazed passenger survived, only to be arrested on an unrelated warrant.

[Johnny]

The Smoking Gun
2001 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed by Darwin


(11 February 2001, New Jersey) Two drunks were goofing around, when one challenged the other to shoot him with cigarette butts "to see what it would feel like." His friend obligingly loaded an antique rifle with cigarette butts, placing black powder behind the butts to make sure they left the barrel of the gun. He then shot his friend from a distance of seven feet. The projectiles penetrated the ribcage of the thirty-one-year-old who had issued the challenge, and he died of three cigarette butts to the heart.

The gene pool is in trouble!

[afealicious]

[Axtech]

[gravity]

[quietorloud]

[Rusty]

[Johnny]

Macho Men?
1996 Darwin Awards Winner


Some men will got to extraordinary lengths to prove how macho they are. Frenchman Pierre Pumpille recently shunted a stationary car two feet by headbutting it. "Women thought I was a god," he explained from his hospital bed.

Deity or not, however, Pumpille is a veritable girl's blouse compared to Polish farmer Krystof Azninski, who staked a strong claim to being Europe's most macho man by cutting off his own head in 1995. Azninski, 30, had been drinking with friends when it was suggested they strip naked and play some "men's games". Initially they hit each other over the head with frozen turnips, but then one man upped the ante by seizing a chainsaw and cutting off the end of his foot. Not to be outdone, Azninski grabbed the saw and, shouting "Watch this then," je swung at his own head and chopped it off.

"It's funny," said one companion, "when he was young he put on his sister's underwear. But he died like a man."

[Johnny]

Coke - the Real Thing
1999 Personal Account


Some people are just plain gullible. A few friends and I had finished our English assignment early, and had 30 minutes of class time to kill. Chris crushed up three Altoids, the curiously strong peppermint, and lined the powder into a pile that resembled a massive snort of cocaine. Now, Tony is not the brightest bulb in the barrel, and he is always eager for opportunities to impress the extent of his masculinity upon others. We offered him ten dollars if he could snort the entire pile.

Tony knew full well what he would be sucking into his nasal cavity, yet he agreed to take us up on the offer. By this time, our wager had attracted the attention of other classmates, who were urging Tony on as he used the barrel of a pen to snort three quarters of the peppermint powder. He got no further before he screamed in agony and clutched his nose, and a few seconds later he puked all over the floor. His nose was bleeding and he was crying like a baby. This attracted the attention of our English teacher, who summoned the school nurse on the intercom.

By the time the nurse arrived, Tony was lying on the floor moaning, blowing his nose and spewing blood. After the nurse treated him, he was sent to the office and suspended for disruption. Chris and I didn't get in trouble, and we weren't even out ten dollars, because Tony didn't snort all of it. Tony may not have been removed from the gene pool this time, but I am sure that one of these days he will be. Until that day, at least he can be nominated for a stupidity award.

[Kathy]

what an idiot, and it reminds me of some boys from my elementary school. They crushed up Rockets after Halloween and snorted them. Not nearly as bad but they were in pain and had awful nosebleeds

[nikki4982]

[thirdhour]

[pit_girl1]

[nikki4982]

[Johnny]

"Plug Me In"
2005 Darwin Award WINNER
Confirmed True by Darwin

(7 March 2005, Vietnam) Nguyen, 21, had been drinking with friends in Hanoi, when he pulled out an old detonator he had found. It was about six centimeters long and eight centimeters in diameter, with two wires hanging out. Because it was old and rusty, Nguyen said, it couldn't explode. His friends disagreed.
To prove his point, Nguyen put the detonator in his mouth and asked his friend to plug the dangling wires into a 220-volt electrical receptacle.

Turns out Nyugen was wrong!

The victim had little time to reflect on his mistaken, or whether 220 volts alone could have been fatal. According to police, "the explosion blew out his cheeks and smashed all his teeth." He died on the way to the hospital.

[Johnny]

Chimney-Cleaning Grenade
2005 Darwin Award Winner
Confirmed True by Darwin

(13 January 2005, Croatia) One fateful afternoon, 55-year-old Marko retreated to his semi-detached workshop to make himself a tool for chimney cleaning. The chimney was too high for a simple broom to work, but if he could attach a brush to a chain and then weigh it down with something, that would do the trick. But what could he use as a weight?
He happened to have the perfect object. It was heavy, yet compact. And best of all, it was made of metal, so he could weld it to the chain. He must have somehow overlooked the fact that it was also a hand grenade and was filled with explosive material.

Marko turned on his welding apparatus and began to create an arc between the chain and the grenade. As the metal heated up, the grenade exploded. The force of the explosion killed poor Marko instantly, blasting shrapnel through the walls of the shed and shattering the windshield of a Mercedes parked outside. Marko's chimney was untouched, however

[Kathy]

[Rusty]